Who She? Part III: An Ambivert

The beginning of August brought me a new outlook on my social interactions by way of my ex-boyfriend and friend, Marquette. 

   He basically told me that my conversation has a tendency to become redundant an boring. If I'm not raving about my miserable work life or blog/brand, two things that spark the most passion in me that I'm able to rap your head off about, I don't do much talking or opening up about myself.

   My eyes shot open as if I was Raven having a damn vision. "Who tf you talk-" was my immediate thought, but then my second thought rolled in. "I see that". I couldn't even be mad him or get offended by what he said because it's true. I've never even realized this until he said it aloud.

 "What if people ain't going through shit or don't need advice?" 

 His question prompted me to stop and analyze myself more about why that is. Who She?

   I suppose I'm so used to people coming to me talking about themselves, venting, and expressing, that I have just grown accustomed to listening, only. Rarely do I share personal experiences or anecdotes during conversation. I'm use to just giving my opinion on their situation or being asked for advice and solutions.

   I've always been a shy person naturally, and private, so that coupled with the fact that I've grown so use to being the "listener" or "solver", it's easy for me to just keep myself to myself almost all of the time.

   Now, this is not to say I'm mute, because all of my good friends know that's untrue and I can definitely carry a conversation, but I'm more so admitting that I do find discomfort in starting conversation or sharing. I either just don't know what to say or it's just that I don't want to say anything, even when I guess I should or could.

   I'm friends with so many talkers and am around so many people that talk about themselves that I've settled into this listener role where it's just easy for me to stay that shy private girl. I've grown so accustomed to it that when I'm in the presence of someone new who perhaps also has an introverted or that doesn't necessarily ask me those open-ended questions, there's so much of silence. I'm always thinking about what to say instead of just saying something. Then at the times that I do, I always feel so random and out of the blue asking a question or making a statement.

    If I don't adapt and grow out of what I definitely feel is a handicap, I'm going to have so many hindrances because 1: a huge part, the most important part, of dating is getting to know someone and being open enough for that person to get to know you and 2: it will definitely stop me from networking and building business relationships. 

   Luckily for me, I've only ever really encountered talkers and with my personality and demeanor being very inviting and trusting, I've had no problem with creating relationships.

   I have so many things I want to do and I can't hold myself back anymore than I already have. Because honestly, there are so many promotional ideas, networking events and collaborations I could be doing and participating in to further my blog and brand that I haven't, due to me allowing my introverted side take over.

If I could just sit behind my laptop, answer advice submissions, console and support y'all while making enough coin to fund the life I want, I would in a heartbeat.

   It's annoyingly overwhelming even thinking about how much talking I'm going to have to do, but I guess the bright side is all of the connections I'll make and interesting individuals I'll happen upon. Not to mention all of the things that I will accomplish once I get past those first awkward ice breaker moments.

   I really have to challenge myself now.

Pray for me, y'all. Lol