Self-reliant.
“Self consciousness is the enemy of accomplishments”
Listening to a TED talk earlier, (by Philip K. Howard) I heard the above quote. I can't agree with this more!
This is why I make my own decisions. This is why I don't allow anyone to dictate my decisions or dictate the reasons or ways I decide to make those decisions. It happens to me at work, as well as home. It's practically the reason why my mom and I argue so much. She sees it as me being "hard headed, but I'm only practicing independent thinking. I refuse to follow someone else's step-by-step directions, without comprehending and assessing that this is the way I agree to solve an issue or to get something done. See, my mom tends to want everyone to do what she tells them, the exact way she tells them. I beg to differ. See, the way I see it is as long as it gets done, that's what matters. I can figure out the best way, for me, to get it done.
At work, the situation was a bit different, yet the same. I was in the midst of my Visual Merchandising training when I noticed I was second guessing my own choices. As a matter of fact, I became so crippled, that I actually think my brain wasn't taking in anymore information. My trainer, now a friend that I love dearly despite the differences we faced at that time, is borderline, all of the way, control freak, lol. She'll deny it though, but it's cool. See the way that happened was she would almost always change everything I built. In retail, the way the walls are set up, with the face-outs (the outfits and looks created on the walls and racks) the V.M.'s are responsible for displaying. I would be told by her to follow my instincts and judgement, but then at the end, the finishing product that I produced was changed. Nine times out of ten this happened. It got so bad for me mentally that instead of "following my instincts and judgement" I would just ask her where she wanted things to go. It began to feel like my decisions were always wrong. I became self-conscious and didn't have faith in my decision making ability and as a result, I couldn't get much accomplished on my own. Subsequently, I became frustrated, defensive and uninterested in the position altogether. It was, to say the least, stressful AF and ultimately not for me.
If I can't independently create a plan of action, that's a problem to me. It's a hindrance. It's stifling to my growth as a person. Never do I ever want to need to go to someone for them to plan for me before I have fully assessed and exhausted all other possible actions. You have to trust yourself and depend on yourself first. Don't allow yourself to become so dependent on someone else thinking for you, that you second guess your every independent thought.
