Advice Archive: I Need More Attention

May 2020

Name / Age: Britany 21
Message: Why does it seem like I keep dating guys that don’t give me attention? It’s so weird to me because it’s the same with every guy. I don’t get good morning texts, I get small talk text messages during the day and it’s a gamble if I will get call at night and if I do it’s late. I do enjoy the moments we spend in person together but it’s the communication when we aren’t together that’s getting to me. I have addressed it but I keep getting the outcome. I tried looking up my attachment style. I don’t think I have a bad one, I just want to feel wanted from a distance too.

Hey Britany / 21, Attention

There’s nothings wrong with you. It’s just the men you’ve encountered. Every girl wants to be adored and catered to. Not every man is capable of that. We just have to keep trying until we find that one that can give us what we need. I also believe in setting the tone, so if you haven’t already, I’d try to be the person I want and do the things I want done. Meaning call as you’d like to be and send the texts you’d like to receive. I personally feel like most people don’t know how to be for the person they want and I like to make sure I do my part in trying and making the person I’m pursuing aware of what I want. You said you’ve asked them and that’s all you can do alongside working to create that habit/routine and intentionally trying what you can to set that tone. If the person still refuses to bend and you feel like you’ve actively done more than enough to establish this boundary then all you can do is move on and hope that you encounter the right man the next time. There’s no way you should settle for unfulfillment. Please don’t beat yourself up about it. It’s all a learning experience and with every encounter you’re becoming better at and closer to getting what you want.

I hope this advice helps you. -K