Advice Archive: Flirty Or Sleazy?

January 2, 2018

Name: Dess

Message: Hello K!! I’m just getting back onto the dating scene after being in a long term relationship. I went on my first day last night and it was fun. We both complimented each such throughout the night and got to know each other. My thing is, how do I know if it’s only about sex with him? After the date, he said “You looked so good. I bout had you for dinner instead” Am I thinking too much? Have I forgotten what it felt like to be desired and now it’s unusual? I did get the chance to ask if he was talking to anyone else and he said no.

Hey Dess,

Don’t read to much into his comment/compliment after your date- I’m sure you did look bomb af! And most guys are flirty like that. If he goes into bringing up sex in conversations often (randomly) or constantly questions when you’re going to come over or asks to come over, then he’s leading too much towards sex, or at least showing that it’s become a priority of his. It’s nice to be desired, but men should find a balance between showing interest/desire and being sleazy and pushy. Pay attention to the kinds of dates he wants to plan with you and the topics he chooses to bring up in conversation. Guys have easy tells over time because it gets harder and harder to mask when they’re ready for or wanting sex. If it comes up and you feel like it’s too early for you, most times it’s easy to talk past it while acknowledging what was said. Do it playfully but direct enough that he gets the hint that you aren’t quite there yet. If it happens too much for you, he doesn’t care to chill out, and if you’re uncomfortable and turned off, toss him back into the sea for the other fish. Right now, don’t make a huge deal, just pay attention and if you feel it to be necessary, definitely steer the conversation and interactions with him to see where you both want dating one another to go.

I hope this advice helps you. -K