Advice Archive: Scared To Open Up
December 19, 2019
Name/Age: Mili / 19
Message: So I go out places by myself & usually end up meeting potential partners. Rn I’m like super focused on taking care of myself & getting what I want in life. So I meet these people talk or whatever it leads to but I stop myself before it gets deep. Like I’m scared to open up fr. But it’s really what I want. But I’m like no I want to fully fix myself first. You get me? Like with this guy I’m talking to now. He’s really sweet but I’m so hesitant to open up but I know I should, you feel me. What do you think?
Hey Milli,
I think you’re onto the right track as far as wanting to develop yourself more as a person and focus on you before getting into a relationship. I don’t think you should stop yourself from dating or meeting new people though. Unless you’re healing from something traumatic or you know that you’re someone who would be easily distracted from your personal goals while dealing with someone, dating, and growing can happen simultaneously. You shouldn’t stop a genuine bond, friendship, and potential relationship from happening organically. Especially when it’s something you want. All you need to do is take your time with whomever you’re dating. Relinquish the thought of “oh this guy would be a good partner” when you first meet someone and overthinking the situation, just focus on befriending him and enjoying the getting-to-know process. This phase can even stretch over a few months so, at the same time, you’re still allowing yourself that flexibility and ability to focus on yourself. Take out any pressure you could be applying subconsciously or even consciously.
Also, opening up has levels. Don’t hold back from allowing the guy to get to know you, but you can hold off on those deep intimate details you feel vulnerable or uncomfortable disclosing, until after a few months or so. Have fun with him and drag out the dating process if you need to. There’s no need to miss out on this good guy or any in the future because you’re psyching yourself out. Opening up to him can even help you through certain issues, you never know. Take your time, let go, and let it flowwww.
I hope this advice helps you. -K
