Advice Archive: Decades of Friendship, Gone
September 26, 2018
Name/Age: Jaye D
Message: I had to cancel a friendship that went on for two decades due to my best friend acting very distant. She no longer reached out. I didn’t want to be a part of any of my successes. She wasn’t interested in anything involving our friendship. I would reach out and she wouldn’t respond. I would always show my appreciation for her and she wouldn’t be interested. After reaching out numerous times and not getting anything, I finally fell back and moved on. Six years later, I get a text from her basically wondering why the friendship was over. I voiced my reasoning in which she responded: “I acted the way I did because you had the life I always wanted and I was very jealous of you”. I thought friends weren’t supposed to be jealous of each other right? So was I wrong for feeling confident in removing her from my life or should I have rekindled it?
Hey Jaye D,
I agree with your decision to remove her out of your life. I believe it’s very normal and human to feel envy towards anyone who possesses things you yearn for yet don’t have- whether it being material or personal- but a friend and someone dear and near should know how to step away from those feelings and still be there to support and uplift their friend. Her envy and jealousy seemed to be too strong to do that and for that reason, she would’ve, in my opinion, folded on you somehow- in much bigger ways than just becoming distant or indifferent towards you. Instead of supporting you, being happy for you, celebrating with you, and also just learning from you, she let those negative feelings consume her so much that she couldn’t even hold a relationship with you anymore- such strong hate and lack of self-confidence is dangerous. That’s not a real friend. A real friend would’ve had at least a spec of love, happiness and joy for you and you’re accomplishments. Enough to be able to sustain a friendship with you. It may be possible for some people to change, but allowing her back would’ve been too risky. Who knows if she really could’ve shed that hatred towards you? Who knows what ulterior motives she had? And to appear back asking what caused your relationship to end as if it wasn’t because of her feelings and how she chose to act because of them, that’s a red flag to me. A mature genuine individual would’ve come instantly apologizing and acknowledging their wrongs from the start. Keep trusting your gut! It sure hasn’t steered you wrong here.
I hope this advice helps you. -K
