Advice Archive: Either My Friends Are Annoying, Or I'm Projecting

July, 13, 2018

Name/Age: Cordelia

Message: Lately, my friends have been sharing a lot about their relationships, and I feel like it’s slightly annoying me. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m still getting the backwash from my recently abrupt ceasing of a relationship; or I’m honestly concerned about the decisions they’re making. How should handle myself with them where I don’t come off as “jealous” when I’m really just annoyed about how they’re going about things when I know they’re smart women?

Hey Cordelia, Friends

To refrain from coming off as jealous (or any other negative way) you have to be careful with your approach. Keep it simple and remain calm. Also don't talk at them and down to them, instead explain to them your perspective on their situation and try not to judge or bash them personally. Separate your friend from the problem and when your talking to them about their problem, discuss their problem and it's solutions, not how you feel they are being. Sometimes you may have to be brutally honest and like "sis, you're being naive" or "girl, this is not the smartest thing to do", so if you have to, sugarcoat it like I just did. Always try to find the best way to deliver a message because it's all in how you say something- don't be out here hurting your friends feelings and being disrespectful. Lead with empathy, love and understanding, not annoyance, attitude or judgement. Also, check your thoughts too. Make sure you are being fair and not tainted by whatever personal feelings you may have toward the situation for whatever reasons. If you feel like you may come off too harsh or your opinion is bias, keep it to yourself. 

I hope this advice helps you. -K