Advice Archive: Where Can I Go To Express Myself?

February 2020

Name / Age: Unseen Peace
Message: Hello,
I hope all is well.
If I may, I just wanted to take a moment to vent as well as receive assistance in possibly finding a solution.

I find myself at times feeling trapped.
Feeling as if I am not allowed to express myself.
No one gives you permission to do anything,
a lot of times you have take the initiative and hope for the best.
Sometimes I feel as of I express too much to my friends, so then they lose interest into hearing me out or they simply just don't understand.
Sometimes I turn to social media to release but I don't because of many reasons: The social media world can be a harsh place, people are always telling you " social media isn't the place for personal info." As well as just any opinion you may have, it makes you seem like you shouldn't express yourself at all, there will always be something you say or do that affects every different type of audience.

How can you live freely, openly, authentically express yourself without other's feeling hurt or taking things done or said in a negative light, when the intent is never to cause damage?

Who do you go to or where do you go to freely express yourself, when everything feels limited, there's laws, there's rules, there regulations, there's opinions,
Sometimes It really does tend to make my mind feel trapped or forcefully silenced.
But sometimes maybe that is why psychologist come onto play, I guess when you can't Express elsewhere you search for a psychologist...
Idk.

Hey Unseen Peace,

I believe several of your dilemmas here can be resolved by releasing the fucks you give to people. You can’t live freely and authentically if you’re filtering everything you do and say. Take the filter off and be yourself unapologetically. Anything can upset anyone so you have to accept that. You’d rather be you and please yourself than being someone else, pleasing everyone but you. Social media isn’t a place for your personal business because you’re absolutely right, it’s a harsh place and if you aren’t offending someone or affecting someone with your speech, you’re also inviting them to weigh in or comment on your personal business and you don’t want that energy all of the time. So if you can’t confide in a friend or relative about really deep personal things (and social media isn’t appropriate), then invest in a journal. Sometimes it’s better to journal because you express yourself avoiding anyone else’s opinion. Whether it’s a good or bad point of view, sometimes that doesn’t even matter, it’s just good in my opinion, to not always rely on someone else for input. With many things one can express or would like to express, you’re all you need as support and to gain clarity.

When I want to express myself, I do just that. A lot of times I retreat inside because I’ve become enough to give me what I’m in need of (most of the time). Sometimes just getting whatever it is out of my head (and into a journal or a blog post) so I’m not thinking about it every second, is truly enough. When I feel like I need another’s opinion, I go to my brother or one of my close girl friends. I don’t even go to these people for the same things. That’s also key: knowing exactly who to go to what for. Not everyone is the same and sometimes you may need an opposing opinion just as much as you’d need a supporting one. Figure out who’s who in your life and go to them accordingly. Also, figuring out who is mentally and emotionally able to be your confidant. Everybody ain’t built for everything and some people know how to empathize and handle you, over others. But also practice not having to go to anyone. Develop yourself into what/who you need so going to someone is an option and not must. To do this, start thinking about what it is you need along with expressing yourself. If it’s positive reinforcement, acceptance, or simply to vent about what you’re going through personally, be that for yourself and journal. If it’s moral support or and outsider’s opinion, go to the appropriate people in your life for whichever it is. And if you don’t have those people in your circle as of now, that’s okay too because when you are able to determine who/what you need, you can add and delete people accordingly. You decide who is in your life. Don’t surround yourself with people you can’t talk to. And be able to feed yourself because when you have that ability, you never starve.

Give yourself permission to do what it is you want. Take your life into your own hands. If you worry about other people, you’ll never progress. What others think and feel, you have no control over- you’d go insane worrying. You literally have to not care. It feels better to stand alone in your truth than to appease everyone and you feel alone in a room full of people. I’’s a true test of genuineness for the people in your life when you be who you are. You will see who really loves you and not the person they think you are. Don’t be afraid of the consequences of being yourself.

I went through a similar period in time more than once, but to get through it, I had to 1. reevaluate my circle And 2. I wrote in my journal for DAYS. To be honest, writing in my journal helped more. Once I released the thoughts so they were no longer swirling around in my head, I felt sooooo much more free and a load was lifted off of me. Because you know why? The thought was completed. I was done and I could move on. It’s like having to do math homework and you have an equation. At first it looks confusing as hell but once you begin working out the equation on paper where you can see it in stead of in your head, you break down the problem and you see how to solve it.

Lastly, if all else fails you know you got me. Truly.

I hope this advice helps you. -K