Advice Archive: Where's My Soulmate?!

January 29, 2020

Name: Lashawna

Message: So I feel like I have a problem with mingling with guys, but I don’t think it’s me though. I haven’t been in a relationship going on 3 years and sometimes I’m cool with that and sometimes I’m not. I’ve been cool with it because I needed to get to know myself as a person, I was single when I turned 20 and I’m 22 now. I have texted dudes but I wasn’t looking for a relationship with them. I take my time before just being in a relationship, I don’t like my time wasted and when I’m in a relationship I like it to be long term. But I just honestly feel like I’m not going to find my soulmate and I know I’m still in my early 20s but in your 20s is when you suppose to find that person that you want to build with and travel with

Hey Lashawna,

I’m 25 and my life is giving: soulmate WHO? There is no time stamp on anyone’s life. There is no set time where things are “suppose” to happen for any of us. You’ll stumble upon that person when the time comes. Plenty of times I’ve heard that the ’20s are for discovering the tools it takes to build that foundation. You may think or feel like you know yourself and you reflect on yourself enough to have laid a pretty solid foundation, but the true discovery of self comes from experiences. At 22 and even 25 the experiences, the real experiences, have yet to happen. A solid foundation takes years in itself and then after that, there comes more building. Travel with yourself and your friends. Baecations aren’t the only fun you can find in a trip. Don’t wait for a man for ANYTHING, especially seeing what the world has to offer you. Your life is about you, a man is just an accessory, just something to add to your already established life and self. Besides, we want men after they become men, not in their foundation building stage where there are holes in the floor, half a ceiling; barely any structure. Most guys aren’t even ready to settle down in the early ’20s and we as women need to take a lesson from them. Have fun! Find companionship in friends and family and date freely and loosely. Everything doesn’t have to be a long term relationship, but at the same time, not everything is a fling. You can find fulfillment and there are great lessons to be learned, in dating. Don’t attach yourself to any imposed ideal or any outcome. Experience as much as you can and build your foundation. We are in the same boat though sis, trust me. I have to affirm these same things within myself all of the time because it gets frustrating, and v lonely. But at the end of the day, you can’t rush life no matter how hard you try so we have to remain patient. And what a better way to kill time than doing EVERYTHING BUT worrying about men?

I hope this advice helps you. -K