Don't Argue With Me Unless You Know How
Don't argue with me unless you know how. I've grown so exhausted by arguing with the wrong people. People who aren't open to even listening, who don't know how to listen, only care about expressing their point of view, can't respect an opposing viewpoint and/or can't agree to disagree.
Let’s start with the actual definition of an argument:
ar·gu·ment
an exchange of diverging or opposite views, typically a heated or angry one
a reason or set of reasons given with the aim of persuading others that an action or idea is right or wrong
Arguing has been tainted and it's definition, in the eyes of many, I feel has been warped. When most hear the word "argue" they probably think fussing and cussing, when actually, it isn't and don't have to be and in fact, arguing is necessary for growth and understanding. To be able to grow and understand, you have to know how to argue and you have to be arguing for the right reasons.
Why is there a need for an argument? What's the point of arguing in the first place?
You're arguing because there was a disagreement or misunderstanding and you're either trying to persuade someone to agree with your stance, or you're trying to at least educate them to achieve some sort of clarity, empathy, or understanding amongst you both.
I know what you're saying, it's bullshit, right? When you're with ya man and he's playing stupid and you're mad as hell going off on him- you can't help but cut him off mid-sentence calling him a couple of motherf*s, giving your Sam Jackson best. Ain't nobody thinking about all that right? I don't initially, but you have to if you want to resolve anything. If you both really stick to the foundation of arguing, you should be able to reach a resolution at the end when the heat of your anger has cooled.
As an adult at this point in all of our lives, we should have the ability to articulate any point we have, no matter our mood or anger level. And even more importantly, you have to know how and be willing to listen and comprehend.
Definitely a sign of immaturity if you ask me.
People who're too selfish or immature to reason with you, if you don't agree with them, are exhausting and are being left in 2017. Whether it being that their egos maybe won't allow them to agree with another view or they want to be seen or feel as if they are right and know all, it's a clear sign of unreasonableness and that can't be tolerated. Their stubborn and selfish ways won't allow any resolution to be had. Especially if/when you disagree with them they immediately catch an attitude, become defensive and their minds shut down to any outside information.
Nothing is more selfish and immature than someone only interested in expressing their side with no interest in hearing yours. Someone like that doesn't want to argue, discuss or resolve, they want to be heard and agreed with. Knowing how to identify those people will save you so much time and energy because almost always, those arguments/conversations never get anywhere. They seem to only want "yes men" and if you aren't, they ain't hearing it. You're speaking to a brick wall at that point.
Don't be that person.
Not being able to handle opposition maturely will get you nowhere, but alone and unsuccessful. That's no healthy way to be. Everyone is different and with being different comes different opinions and perspectives and you need to know how to hear out and respect other people and their views, no matter if you agree with it or not. Agreeing to disagree is a resolution, ya know? Not always at the end of the argument will the other person agree with you or your perspective and when you both are strong in your own positions, disagreeing with one another, you can come together to 'agree to disagree' showing respect and toleration for each other. A very simple solution.
We have to practice constructive arguing without ignoring someone because they have an opposing view and want to openly express it.
Knowing how to argue is important with everyone you encounter, but to me, even more, crucial with family and friends. It may seem as if it's on a slightly smaller scale because we sometimes have the tendency to feel an obligation from the people close to us to deal with our shit, but it's even more important that we have better communication with them being the most important people in our lives. Relationships built on years of history and shared experiences can and will, unfortunately, be lost due to those poor habits.
At those times where the little petty arguments start from food, clothes, planning, etc. your ego and our relationship shouldn't be on eggshells because one of us doesn't know how to compromise or hear one another out. Something so simple and minute can wreck a relationship because one of us is holding the other back from handling the situation, and it not just being over at that moment. Because it's the principle: It's not what you do, it's how you do it. How you handle an argument is more important than the topic. You throw a fit because you didn't get your way and times passes and it blows over or someone else gives in because they don't want to hold on to the bad energy, and you think everything is fine because you weren't challenged, but this pattern of behavior will slowly put a strain on your relationships and over time no one wants to deal with someone unreasonable and uncompromising no matter how much they care for you.
Communication is extremely important to me. It's the strongest way we connect with others. Nothing can be transmitted without knowing how to communicate and when my feelings are involved, you have to come correct. I'm a very forgiving person, but being 23 now, I'm not so much anymore. My tolerance with dismissive, selfish, intolerable and uncompromising people is very very low. It's just one of those things that I refuse to bend with.
So, let this new year be the year we all effectively communicate with one another- much time and may relationships will be saved. I'm tellin' ya